How to integrate charged emotions
The way out is through
Ever gotten up on the wrong side of the bed?
Low on energy, low on motivation.
Disturbed by the idea of beginning the day.
When it happens to me, I struggle to understand why.
I just know that there is a charge in me.
Something uncomfortable that wants to be attended to.
And my typical reaction is to repress it.
I get frustrated because I am feeling the way I am feeling.
Because I am not “just fine”.
Because I am getting off on the wrong foot.
This is even more frustrating if an important day is approaching.
If I am meeting someone important.
Or heading towards a job interview.
I have found three principles to assist in these situations1:
Understanding does not help
The discomfort is a call for attention
The way out is through
1. Understanding does not help
We live in a world focused on sense making.
We want to understand the cause of things.
And we are praised when we do it.
Universities invite critical thinking.
Psychologists ask us “Why?”.
Work invites us get to the root cause of problems.
This gives us the pretext to let our mind take over.
Assuming that we can get out of the discomfort by knowing its origin.
Paradoxically, understanding does not help.
It rather hinders the process.
It makes things more complicated.
We often use our minds to push away feelings of unease.
And analysing them is just another way to try to maintain control.
Instead, dropping sense making might be a better idea.
2. The discomfort is a call for attention
No matter its origin, the charged state exists because it was not dealt with in the past.
And the discomfort is telling us that there is something that needs our attention.
It is the cry for help of a child, unable to take care for himself.
Looking for a parent to give him the desired attentions.
To just be with it, without trying to change anything.
So as to feel what there is to feel.
3. The way out is through
The way to take care of a charged state is very simple.
But often neglected, because of its counter intuitive nature.
Indeed, we have been educated to stay away from whatever is uncomfortable.
To pursue happiness, and push away pain.
Hence, we have become masters of repressions.
The way to take care of a charged state is to just be with it.
For 5-10 minutes.
Without trying to push it away.
Without trying to change it.
Without trying to understand it.
To just be with it.
Feel it in our body for the time we have.
And then to move on.
It is that simple.
Yet extraordinarily powerful.
So, the next time you wake up with discomfort.
Or right before an important interview.
Just stay with what is arising.
Close your eyes for 5-10 minutes.
And accept what comes.
You will get out of the experience with a stronger sense of vitality.
Ready to face any challenge ahead of you.
Knowing you are in your best possible shape for that day.
Give it a try.
And let me know in the comments how it went.
Have a fully felt journey,
— Livio
10/03/2023
The definition of these principles was influenced by the work of Michael Brown, Terence McKenna, Daizan Skinner, Alan Watts and others. And informed by years of direct practice. I extend my gratitude to all of them, as I renew my commitment to this path.
"The way out is through", can't agree more.
I would add that that's probably the only way. Repressing what is there is like putting a lid on a boiling pot. Sooner or later it will boil out in one form or the other.
What you've written strongly reminds me of the theory of Psychological Acceptance. It works on the premise that the first step to healing is acceptance of our negative emotions. Only after we accept those feelings, they can ease.
As Carl Rogers puts it "The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change."
I loved what you said! I have those days occasionally. I used to try to fight it and force myself to work. Now, if it is possible, i decide to take a mental health day, and just take the time to rest and care for myself. But... if I cant, I love your idea! Thanks for writing!