Reverse engineer your triggers

Triggers might be telling you what you need

In October I have enrolled in a six-month coaching course.
Last month’s module was called “Resource and Regulate”.
It focused on ways for coaches to get grounded and in balance.
To clean up our internal chatter.
So that we can be fully present for the person in front of us.

I did not enjoy it much.
It all seemed quite vague.
And its structure did not impress me.

My mind started to drift away.
I started to look at my mobile.
And to check my emails.
While my expensive coaching course was delivering less than I would have hoped for.

In short, I felt triggered.

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As I had the opportunity for a 1on1 session with a fellow participant, I shared my frustration.
The module seemed to be too light for my tastes.
It was too empty.

Was there the need for so much chit chat?
Where were the theoretical foundations?
Was I the only one feeling disturbed?

The fellow student gave me the space to express my disappointment.
And then invited me to tune in.
To take a moment to breathe.
And check what was going on inside of me.

My mind was drifting away to take distance from the discomfort caused by situation.
To move the responsibility for my condition away from me.
To point fingers towards others.

Deep inside, all was fine.

I needed a lighter moment.
I needed the space to let past lessons consolidate.
And I was pushing the opportunity away since I got conditioned to do so¹.

I needed that situation to figure out my lesson for the day.
That triggers are an opportunity to look inside ourselves.
To dig deeper into the roots of our reactiveness.
To find out that what we are escaping from might be exactly what we need.

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So, next time you are triggered, consider my invitation.
Try not to react immediately.
And take a few minutes to go through these steps:

1. Acknowledge that you are triggered²

2. Feel in your body where the discomfort is

3. Stay with it for the time of 10 breaths

4. Listen to what comes up

You might easily realise the reason for your behaviour.
The discomfort might dissipate.
As you take one further step towards responsiveness.

Have a good, responsive journey,
— Livio

16/01/2023

1. Since “Good students don’t waste time”, “Good boys take things seriously”.

2. Triggers assume different forms for different people. Might materialise in getting distracted (eg checking the mobile compulsively), getting upset or angry, or moving in unusual ways (eg rushing around, having a strange position on the chair). You will get use to identify yours.