You have opened a door to a room that most of us have never been into. It is the room of mutuality. Offer to help/ Accept help. It breaks the pattern that everything is either "all about me" or "I am not worthy." This new room is right over there - figure pointing towards it. All we must do is walk over, open the door that is just cracked a bit open, and walk through. Once through, pull the door shut. What to do then. Follow your advice. Then once the contributions begin to flow. Express gratitude. Do it in tangible ways. I created a little thing in opposition to simply "feeling" gratitude. I think we should be and do gratitude. Five ways: Say Thanks, Give Back, Make Welcome, Honor Others, and Create Goodness. If we do those actions, and we keep track of them, we will see how the mutuality of giving and receiving help becomes the basis of our relationships, our organizations, and, society in general. I'm not holding my breath. But we have to start somewhere. Ok. I'm recommending your Substack.
Thanks for the mention. Happy to recommend based on quality and themes I am interested in. Another good post by the way - one thing I have found is a lot of people who end up with chronic illness is that they find it very hard to ask for help, or even accept help when it is offered. I wrote about this in the "When the Mighty Oak Falls" story in my post on personality types https://garysharpe.substack.com/p/personality-types-traits-tests-and
As always, you are so just right on point. If you don't ask, the fear or anxiety is never resolved... and neither is the question. The worst that can happen is someone says no or doesn't respond. Be gracious with that and realize that you have at least opened the door.
One caution to everyone though. Do NOT take this as a license to spam. You might think, "Hey, if that works, why don't I just write a request and send it out to everyone?" Playing the numbers is a bad idea dilutes the value of actual, real-person requests. Not to mention, you could end up becoming known as a nuisance.
Readers should take note that Livio was VERY deliberate in WHO he asked and HOW he went about asking them. Doing it right takes time and thought, but the result is well worth the investment, even if the person says no. Who knows what the future will bring?
Thank you for this excellent article (which I just found when you shared it on Office Hours).
I appreciated your approach to making an informed request to an author who has a readership that would find your work interesting. Making genuine connection is the key and your post brought that front and centre.
I have experienced that this difficulty in asking for help (and consequently receiving) is particularly acute in moms. I had a meeting last night with a doula community, and that was one of the strategies to building community amongst ourselves. Ask of others. Ask for what we need and want and be open to receive. When we use the word "should" it's an indicator that we need to ask for help. Great article!
I used to be one of those super independent people. As in life trauma taught me to rely only on myself. I then developed a debilitating illness that meant if I was going to achieve and have the smallest of things (eg a cup of coffee) I needed to learn to ask for help. I've gotten pretty good at over time.
I found Substack very recently and I think I came across you in office hours. I wouldn't have thought of directly asking SS writers to recommend my publication, so thanks for planting that seed in my consciousness.
First, congrats on receiving the help you requested! And I couldn't agree more--so many of us are reluctant to ask for things we want or even need. It seems to be ingrained in our psyches. But as you pointed out, most people like to help and are chuffed to have been asked. I think we underestimate how much others are happy to help (if they're able, of course).
You have opened a door to a room that most of us have never been into. It is the room of mutuality. Offer to help/ Accept help. It breaks the pattern that everything is either "all about me" or "I am not worthy." This new room is right over there - figure pointing towards it. All we must do is walk over, open the door that is just cracked a bit open, and walk through. Once through, pull the door shut. What to do then. Follow your advice. Then once the contributions begin to flow. Express gratitude. Do it in tangible ways. I created a little thing in opposition to simply "feeling" gratitude. I think we should be and do gratitude. Five ways: Say Thanks, Give Back, Make Welcome, Honor Others, and Create Goodness. If we do those actions, and we keep track of them, we will see how the mutuality of giving and receiving help becomes the basis of our relationships, our organizations, and, society in general. I'm not holding my breath. But we have to start somewhere. Ok. I'm recommending your Substack.
Thanks for the mention. Happy to recommend based on quality and themes I am interested in. Another good post by the way - one thing I have found is a lot of people who end up with chronic illness is that they find it very hard to ask for help, or even accept help when it is offered. I wrote about this in the "When the Mighty Oak Falls" story in my post on personality types https://garysharpe.substack.com/p/personality-types-traits-tests-and
As always, you are so just right on point. If you don't ask, the fear or anxiety is never resolved... and neither is the question. The worst that can happen is someone says no or doesn't respond. Be gracious with that and realize that you have at least opened the door.
One caution to everyone though. Do NOT take this as a license to spam. You might think, "Hey, if that works, why don't I just write a request and send it out to everyone?" Playing the numbers is a bad idea dilutes the value of actual, real-person requests. Not to mention, you could end up becoming known as a nuisance.
Readers should take note that Livio was VERY deliberate in WHO he asked and HOW he went about asking them. Doing it right takes time and thought, but the result is well worth the investment, even if the person says no. Who knows what the future will bring?
Thank you for this excellent article (which I just found when you shared it on Office Hours).
I appreciated your approach to making an informed request to an author who has a readership that would find your work interesting. Making genuine connection is the key and your post brought that front and centre.
Also I love this insightful comment thread!
I have experienced that this difficulty in asking for help (and consequently receiving) is particularly acute in moms. I had a meeting last night with a doula community, and that was one of the strategies to building community amongst ourselves. Ask of others. Ask for what we need and want and be open to receive. When we use the word "should" it's an indicator that we need to ask for help. Great article!
I used to be one of those super independent people. As in life trauma taught me to rely only on myself. I then developed a debilitating illness that meant if I was going to achieve and have the smallest of things (eg a cup of coffee) I needed to learn to ask for help. I've gotten pretty good at over time.
I found Substack very recently and I think I came across you in office hours. I wouldn't have thought of directly asking SS writers to recommend my publication, so thanks for planting that seed in my consciousness.
First, congrats on receiving the help you requested! And I couldn't agree more--so many of us are reluctant to ask for things we want or even need. It seems to be ingrained in our psyches. But as you pointed out, most people like to help and are chuffed to have been asked. I think we underestimate how much others are happy to help (if they're able, of course).