I have never been a liar.
As a consequence, I am very bad at telling lies.
But, just as every human being, I do lie sometimes.
And I do it on very trivial and unimportant things.
Sometimes I give false excuses, while I could just be direct and say the truth.
Sometimes I give motivations that seems more acceptable than what I really feel, while I could just be truthful.
It is unnecessary and disrespectful of myself and of others.
Because it comes from lack of self-awareness and of courage to set boundaries.
And then I get in trouble, because I need to defend something I do not truly believe in.
I feel bad about it. And I cannot even fully recall what I had originally said.
This led to some challenging circumstances at work this year.
I had to defend some statements I made, which were not reflecting the authentic motivations behind my actions. They felt more socially acceptable than the real truth, but they were not “mine”.
This led to misunderstandings, frictions and loss of trust.
Sounds bad?
In reality, realising how useless this was has been a great gift to myself.
I have understood how valuable it is to say the truth.
Even, and especially, in respect to small and unimportant things.
What I do now is saying the truth.
What if there are some decisions at work I do not really agree with? I say the truth and speak up.
What if I am bothered by someone else’s recurring behaviour? I say the truth and kindly emphasise what upsets me.
What if I feel like spending the day by myself and canceling on someone I was supposed to meet in the evening? I say the truth and tell how I feel.
And then something powerful happens.
I am perceived as more trustworthy.
People develop more empathy towards me.
And I develop more empathy towards myself.
I am more assertive.
And stopped carrying the weight of false justifications.
It is relieving. It is surrendering to how things are. And it feels great.
Give it a try. You will not regret.
Have a good (truthful) journey,
—Livio
22/12/2020
Thanks for sharing. Most of us use white lies to avoid hurting people, but we harm them more by hiding our true opinion and not pointing out the facts.
Keep the good work Livio, we enjoy your refreshing thoughts and tips.