On giving up
And choosing the easiest option
I have always been searching for meaning in life.
Looking for a sense beyond the simple surface of things.
For something that can create fulfillment, pride and satisfaction.
Work has been my main avenue to meaning.
In a search that has led me to take a career break.
To rethink what I was spending my time on.
To find a good intersection between my skills and passions.
It has been almost 10 months now.
Much longer than I would have ever expected.
Living with very little certainties.
Off the rail tracks that have guided my life in the past few decades.
It went in ups and downs.
Peak of excitement as new paths were identified.
As old passions were rediscovered.
As new interests were found.
Waves of demoralisation for lack of firm points.
As every certainty was challenged.
As solid life foundations were shaken.
All I am left with is a surprisingly clear vision ahead.
A vision that has little to do with the hard skills I have spent 15+ years developing.
A vision that has a lot to do with the person I have become in this process of self discovery.
All I am left with is astonishment, confusion and ambivalence.
Wondering if I am ready for a life which is totally new.
And if I will ever be.
So, today I am contemplating to give up.
To get back on my rail tracks.
To decide for comfort and flexibility, rather than meaning.
For safety and certainty, rather than exploration.
I can give up.
I can change my priorities.
And it might just be fine.
What yesterday was failure, today is just another option.
So I smile.
I feel relieved.
I feel open.
And free.
I find new energy to proceed on my path.
Knowing that I might as well decide to discontinue it.
I wish you can persist in your own journey.
Being truthful to your vision.
While giving yourself the option to change it.
Have an authentic life journey,
— Livio
30/01/2023
P.s.: I am sharing the ups and downs of my process of professional self discovery, and the principles guiding it. Subscribe to follow my journey and learn from what I experience!
You are not alone. I have been there challenging the same thought and this is what I wrote to myself, “Not every job has to be linked with meaning, and not every step has to be bounded by dreams. You can work just to live. Because of work, you can support yourself and not depend on others; Because of work, you can raise children and fulfil your responsibility; Because of work, you can write to connect with others and pursue your dreams. When you choose to write, you have to work, there is no such thing as happy or sad, and it doesn’t matter whether you want to do it or not. It’s just that you have no choice but to work.”
Freedom is hard fought, but often found, ‘on the rails.’ ✌️