Mentoring and training have always been a key part of my job, to my enjoyment.
I like 1on1 conversations with people, to share my knowledge, to help solving problems.
Hence, I have thought that coaching could have been an interesting area to consider for my future professional development.
And I have decided to enroll in a six-month coaching course.
I thought I knew what I was putting myself into.
I thought that coaching was mostly about helping people to solve problems on which I had some form of expertise.
However, after only one day into the course, I have found out my view was inaccurate.
Since a key concept of coaching challenged my understanding:
“The client knows more than you.”
A basic assumption of coaching is indeed that the coach works mostly as a facilitator, “making company to the client when he thinks”.
Since that the client has all the replies.
As Claire Pedrick puts it:
“Coaching is not about you. It is about the partnership you co-create [with the client] while in conversation. This is their life and work. They will always know more about that than you do.”
If the client knows more than you…
This assumption has a set of consequences.
The first is that the coach is not supposed to provide direct insights coming from his or her experience. Which is relatively easy to implement.
The second, however, is more subtle and challenging to put into practice. It implies the coach to avoid leading the conversation, and to take space out of the client.
This is particularly difficult when the client is talking about a topic that the coach is particularly passionate about. In these cases, the tendency to provide solutions and direct might be particularly marked.
And the coach’s ego might get in the way of a good service.
As Boyatzis, Smith and Van Oosten (2019) say:
“If I’m working on something with someone that I feel personally passionate about, I have to work extra hard to allow space because even my enthusiasm affects the field of possibility, even if it’s well intentioned and well meaning.”
…The coach needs to do less
In this sense, “Coaching is emptying”.
It is emptying the coach from any knowledge and agenda.
From any urge to provide value and any attachment to outcomes.
It implies to relax any striving to prove, to achieve, to become, and to even help.
In order to purely be attentive and present.
This concept puzzles me exceedingly.
At a first sight, I have found it disempowering.
Have I worked for many years, gaining valuable knowledge and making mistakes, to put all I’ve learned on the side and “just listen”?
Am I supposed to throw away all the hard and soft skills I have developed to solely focus on the process?
My ego was having a panic attack 😱.
Looking deeper, I started to contemplate the possibility that the concept of “emptying” had positive sides.
What if it is actually relieving?
What if it is empowering for the client?
What if it allows to do less and achieve more?
…What if it works?
If there is no need to come up with solutions for the client’s challenges, the coach can be relieved from any pressure.
Can focus on being totally present.
And on facilitating the client’s sense making.
To enter a state of egolessness.
If the replies come from the client, and the main work is to create the preconditions for them to emerge, coaching mastery truly is about “doing less”1.
There is surely some wisdom in this.
Becoming emptier might be a way towards a better service.
Without forgetting the coach’s life experience and domain expertise.
But rather leveraging them to provide purposeless guidance, and not prepackaged replies.
I will give this approach a try.
And keep you posted as new reflections emerge.
Have an emptier journey,
— Livio
01/11/22
P.s.: I am sharing my experience on making decisions and finding my life path in the face of high uncertainty. Like or subscribe to follow my journey and learn from my mistakes ;)
I write about the 6 principles to “do less” in the article below.