You are not to blame

Learning to surf the wave, and accept the constraints

“You can do it.”

I have grown up with this mentality.
Believing that everything was in my hands.
That I could get whatever I wanted, as long as I applied myself well enough.

Being the masters of our own destiny has undeniable benefits.
And has led our civilisation to great achievements.

But it also comes at a big personal cost.
Believing that “You can do it” also implies that, if things do not go so well, it is your fault. You are the one to blame.

If all your accomplishment are the exclusive result of your own actions, also the totality of your not-so-good results are.
They are your own mistakes, your own failures.

This way of thinking can become unbearable, destructive and unfair.
As you realise that just a few things in life are really under your own exclusive control.

You did not decide which family you were born in. Or in which country.
Your health conditions. Or the school you could afford.
Whether you have lived in more or less peaceful times. Or met the right people at the right time.

We can put ourselves in the best environments.
Apply the practices and discipline that work for us.
But, in the end, the tide is stronger than us.
Things have a direction we rarely can contrast.
While can we instead learn to live mindfully and act within the constraints we are given.

For quite some time I thought this way of thinking was disempowering.
I debated with people telling me that I was not the one to praise. Or the one to blame.

But now I see things differently.
I have come to realise that this way of thinking is rather relieving and truthful, while it can lead to a more balanced life.

It does not deny empowerment and personal merits, but rather puts them in context.
Allows to judge our achievements and progress in a relative terms.
To give us the time. And to build trust in ourselves.

So now I can take a deep breath, relax and forgive myself for “my own mistakes”.
Knowing that I play my role in defining my future, but I also act within given constraints.
And that I learn everyday, as I get better at surfing the wave. 🏄‍♂️

Have a good journey,
— Livio

25/09/2022

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