Being direct like a German: 4 lessons learned on giving feedback
Germans have an incredible quality: they are direct to the point.
When I had just moved to Berlin, I perceived it as lack of tact and sympathy. However, after a while, I have gotten used to it and I have understood how powerful this quality is.
It allows people to grow professionally as never before, by providing constructive feedback and directing people mindset towards constant improvement.
As a consequence, I have learned a lot about being direct and giving feedback, and I am gonna share some of these lessons in this short article.
Be timely
If you feel that something is going wrong, don’t wait: act immediately upon your feeling. When you feel that someone in the team is disappointed, worried or unhappy, address the perceived problem immediately. Explain what you perceive and feel, ask open questions and provide support. People normally like unexpected attentions.
Example: “I see you huffing and perceive some frustration. Is there anything I can do to help?”.
Refer to specific cases
People can misinterpret generic statements such as “You do not pay attention to details” or “You never think at the consequence of your actions on clients”.
Generalisation when giving feedback is normally a bad idea. People could think that you are judging them as individuals and they might have a different perception of their own actions.
Rather refer to specific cases and behaviors to pass your message more effectively.
Example: “The last presentation you sent to the client has inconsistencies in the numbers of part 1 and 2. As a consequence, we have received a long list of questions and we had to spend two hours to reply”.
Use self revelation
Often a specific fact can be interpreted in different ways and there is not an objective version of the story. As a consequence, a feedback is based on your own view, that can differ from others’.
In this case, It is a good practice to give feedback by clarifying your feelings about the episode and the effect it had on you. By presenting the situation as a subjective perception, you create a common ground for a dialogue, since it is unlikely that the counterpart would contradict what you feel.
Example: “I felt that was disrespectful since it has casted a bad light on your colleagues’ job”.
Clarify expectations
A feedback, in order to be useful, has to be actionable and constructive.
To be like that, you, as a leader or as a peer, should explain what the expected “right” behaviour or outcome of the feedback is.
Example: “I expect that you check carefully every number before we send anything to clients”.
At my company I have been given a formula that puts together most of these apparently abstract lessons. I use it every time I give a feedback and I want to share with you.
Feedback = perception + explanation + self-revelation+ expectation + request
It involves dividing your message in five parts:
Perception: “I perceived that/ it has happened that…”
Explanation: “That’s why… happened”
Self-revelation: “I am feeling…”
Expectation: “I expect that…”
Request/ compliment: “I therefore ask you to…/ my compliment for…”
An example is the following:
Perception: “In the past few months, I have repeatedly received the desired documents from you unsuccessfully.”
Explanation: “This meant that we could not meet the deadlines for the projects.”
Self-revelation: “As you know, I was very upset about that because we run the risk of losing important clients.”
Expectation: “Reliability and accuracy are very important to me.”
Request/ compliment: “Therefore, please respect the deadlines in the future or warn me on time if there is any significant risk of delays.”
That’s a brief condensed summary of what I have learned in the past year on giving feedback.
I hope it helps you in being constructive, direct and support the people around you in their growth path.
Have a good journey,
— Livio
P.s.: Are you about to give or receive feedback in a performance review? Here you can find the 5 bullet points I use to prepare for it!
03/10/2018